To The White Co-worker Who Wants To Be Black 

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Let’s get a few things straight:

1. I’m not your “homegirl” “girlfreen” “gurrrl”

Don’t fix your lips to refer to me differently than you would your white co-workers. Keep it professional and tuck your racism in. I have relationships with any white woman that would make her feel comfortable enough to refer to me in away the insinuates a sisterhood. No. Move.

2. Don’t come to me about Beyoncé.

As I recall, very clearly you said you don’t like Beyoncé. So why do you want to talk to me about the Goddess Queen? I got your number, see you want to dissect the very essence of one of the world’s most powerful, black women with my approval and that I will not give. Move along. Feel free to speak in hushed tone with the other white women about the disdain you have for Beyoncé because she’s everything you’re not, peasant.

3. My hair is not a hot topic

Black women change their hair styles frequently, because that’s just who we are. Creative. Now you watch enough Ralph Housewives and Kardashians to know about extensions. So the “how did your hair get so long?” or “Gurrrl, why would you cut your pretty hair?” It’s not going to work for me. Your psuedo-concern for my emotional health is not going to work for me. Save it.

4. I don’t care about the time you had a black boyfriend

I literally don’t care. You busting open for black penis is not going to make me long to form a bond with you. Your experience with black men is not something I care to learn about. You are no closer to me than you were before you shared that you’ve shared intimate moments with a brotha.  Back up out my face.

5. Mind your business. 

I don’t share personal things with people I don’t care for and don’t trust. I’m observant. I see the way you move throughout the office. Always facing something other than your desk, being nosey, ear hustling. You want to know everything so you can stir the pot. You won’t know a damn thing about me. So don’t ask me what I’m doing for the holidays and the weekends. Mind your business. We’ll say “good morning” and “goodnight”.

 

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